The Sad Sad Tale Of Fatty McGee

So today is May the 4th and may the fourth be with all of you. May the 4th brings many happy happy memories to the forefront of everyones minds - spring flowers, May Day plus three, spring fever. However, there are also many not so happy thoughts as well - Amy's Birthday, last snowfall before the summer. But there is one story that is far worse and far more horrible than Amy's birthday... and that my friends is the sad sad tale of Fatty McGee.

Fatty was born in the small rural outpost of Campbellton, NB. Some of you may have heard of it, some of you have not. He grew up as normal a life he could, playing with his stick and hoop and skipping along the sidewalk as the world just passed by - Fatty without a care in the world. Mama McGee would walk down to edge of the Restigouche and frollic with the local french fishermen in order to put food on the McGee table - this also explains why to this day we are completely and utterly unsure who the father of Fatty is. After a few hour frollic, Mama McGee would fill her fish buckets up with the unusable fish heads from the fishermen and walk back through town back to chez McGee. While the impoverished bu carefree life was fine while Fatty was younger, the constant whoring by his mother for mangy scrap fish heads finally made Fatty snap. It was quite apparent that there were far easier ways to get the protein needed. With a new zealous calling in life, fatty left home and took to the mean streets of Campbellton.

Fatty's first stop was the local McDonalds. McDonalds is a small chain that specialized in fries and burgers; sometimes salads and fish would occasionally make there way through the doors but that was a rare occurance. Knowing that sometimes fries would remain in the fryer oil, fatty hid behind the oil dumpster behind the restaurant only appearing at night when he would suck out all the fat from the dumpster ocassionally getting a fry, perhaps even a chicken McNugget.
Before long, Fatty was sucking the dumpster dry every night and his insatiable thirst for lard drove him into a furious rage. Fatty began howling at the moon and wheezing as he ran from McDonalds to Burger King, to A&W, To Dixie Lee and KFC everynight. No oil dumpster was safe from the fury of Fatty McGee.

However, one night, Fatty's body collapsed from the shear weight of his body. The next morning, On May the 4th, the local french fishermen mistook Fatty for a beached whale. This misunderstanding was due to numerous things. Perhaps it was because fatty could not wear clothes and his naked body resembled that of a large Blue whale. Perhaps it was because his wheezing and the air escaping from his fat folds sounded like the mating call of the majestic humpback. No matter the reason, the local fishermen as well as Mama McGee on her way home from her morning frollic pushed Fatty out to sea. Fatty drown that day and his wheezing can still be heard today. Some say it is Louie the Bum but alas, no, it is the sad sounds of Fatty McGee.